5 Ways To Make The Perfect Anti-Valentine’s Day

Tips, tricks, & gifts perfect for the unromantic!

The most vile time of year is quickly approaching. Everywhere you look, teddy bears cuddling love hearts stare soullessly and garish decorations line the high street.

Every shop is sugar-coated with tacky jewellery and overpriced chocolates, and it would appear that red and pink are the only colours left on planet Earth…

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! For the sane folk who shy away from clichés and cheesiness, it’s about time you were given your chance to create a not-so romantic holiday of your own.

So for those of us who detest the slushiness and the sentimental bollocks that is Valentine’s Day, we’ve come up with a plan of action! If your boyfriend/girlfriend/cat would much rather have an ironically themed celebration of love, then read on as we explore 5 ways to do just that…


1. Get them a bad-ass present

We’re betting that despite their hatred for the soppy special occasion, your partner would very much like to open a present on Valentine’s Day… Just not a pink teddy bear that says “I wuv woo".

Instead, get them something that really expresses your feelings for them. Here are 6 of our favourites…


2. Make a kick-ass anti-love playlist

As if we weren’t punished enough by this sickly sweet holiday, they go ahead and make it personal by ruining music for everyone. The radio is no longer safe – Boys II Men are on repeat and there’s no end in sight.

So, naturally, it’s time to load up Spotify/Deezer/iTunes, and get cracking on a fantastic playlist filled with angry anthems. Here are some great songs to get you started…

  • Pantera – This Love
  • Puddle of Mudd – She Hates Me
  • A Day To Remember – Better Off This Way
  • The Pigeon Detectives – I’m Not Sorry
  • Kate Nash – Shit Song
  • Alkaline Trio – Stupid Kid

3. Decorate like it’s Halloween

One of the greatest tragedies in life is that we only get one Halloween a year. Therefore, Anti-Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to inject a dose of darkness into the everyday!

Instead of pink flowers and rose scented candles, switch ‘em out for skulls and dark décor. As a helping hand, here’s 6 things we’re gonna be using to seduce our darling…


4. Watch a movie or two (that aren’t lovey-dovey)

Swap the typical cheesy flicks for a movie that tells St Valentine where to shove it. Nothing says ‘Be My Valentine’ like a night in with one of these classics…

It Follows

Nothing like a demonic STI to really get the romance flowing.

It Follows

Hellraiser

People really do some dumb shit for love.

Hellraiser

Drive

That lift scene, doe….

Drive

Closer

Is anyone even nice in this film?

Closer

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

A horror movie classic that was made for people like us.

My Bloody Valentine

5. Ban anything ‘traditionally’ Valentine’s-y

So this one seems pretty obvious in theory, but in practise may prove difficult. If you’re still wanting to get your beloved a gift or even just a card, this may actually turn out to be quite troublesome.

Our top tip is to put a ban on the following:

  • Cuddly toys that speak (unless they swear)
  • Anything pink
  • Anything covered in glitter
  • Oversized cards (unless given ironically)
  • Red roses (are you in a 90’s rom-com?)
  • Rank jewellery (you know, the ones drenched in crystals)